A C G Today I went to Major Matt's to remaster my old albumA C G And on the L train in the morning, I was pretty sure I saw Will OldhamA C G He was wearin' the same sunglasses he had on stage at the Bowery BallroomA C G Had he come to walk among the Williamsburgers of his kingdom?A C G And like the burghers of Calais will a sacrifice be demandedA C G To offer up our dreams and beg for mercy empty-handed?A C G And hapless in our hipness crowded 5 to an apartmentA C G Relegate our dreams to hobbies and deny our disappointmentA C G 'Cause The Stones in '65 want total satisfaction, kidA C G But The Stones in '69 see grace in just getting what you needA C G But if that's a victory, then I'd hate to see what I'd look like defeatedA C G 'Cause I know there are those walk among us who seem to get their dreams unimpeded [Verse]A C G Like, today I went to Major Matt's to remaster my old albumA C G And on the L train in the morning, I was really sure I saw Will OldhamA C G He was wearin' the same sunglasses he had on stage at the Bowery BallroomA C G Had he come to walk among the Williamsburgers of his kingdom?A C G And you might say now there's a guy who seems to have their world laid out before himA C G Or you might say, he's just a rich kid or a fascist or a charlatanA C G But either way you say it if you look at indie-rock culture you really can't ignore himA C G And even if at first dismissive, after some listens you'll enjoy himA C G I was thinking this on the L train, intent on bursting my own bubbleA C G How long should an artist struggle before it isn't worth the hassle?A C G And admit we aren't fit to be the one inside the castleA C G Is this quest for greatness or at least hipness just a scam and too much trouble?A C G But then what makes on human being worthy of an easy rideA C G Born to be a natural artist you love or hate but can't denyA C G While us minions in our millions tumble into history's chasmA C G We might have a couple of laughs but we're still wastes of protoplasm [Verse]A C G Like, today I was gonna waste some time and money to remaster some dumb old albumA C G And on the L train in the morning, i was really sure I saw Will OldhamA C G He was wearin' the same big sunglasses he had on stage at the Bowery BallroomA C G Had he come to see the strife here in the gutters of his kingdom?A C G Where us noble starving artists are striving hard to feed our egosA C G Our mothers like our music our our friends come see our showsA C G And if our friends become successful, we'll consider them our foesA C G Go home to our four roommates after payin' big bucks for rockstars' showsA C G What a nightmare! What a horror! I don't want no part of thisA C G Get me off this crazy ride! I'm gonna puke, I'm gonna piss!A C G I'd rather kill myself I'd rather just relax or not exist!A C G But you say you wanna do an e-mail interview? Oh what the heck, I can't resist!A C G Hey ma, guess what? Today I did another magazine interview!A C G "Honey, that's great, you're really famous!" Yeah and I'm twenty seven too!A C G I kinda thought I was gonna grow up to do stuff that would benefit humanityA C G But it's getting harder to tell if this artist's life is even benefiting me [Verse]A C G Cause today I was gonna waste some time and money today to remaster some dumb old albumA C G And on the L train in the morning, I was totally sure I saw Will OldhamA C G He was wearin' the same big sunglasses he had on stage at the Bowery BallroomA C G And since I was feeling in need of answers I just went right up and asked him, I saidA C G "Will Bonnie Prince, Palace or whatever, what do you think about it?A C G Is it worth being an artist or an indie-rock star, or are you better off without it?"A C G Cause you know maybe the world would be better if we were all just un-creative dronesA C G No dead childhood dreams to haunt us, a decent job, a decent homeA C G And if we had some extra time we could do real things to promote peaceA C G Become scientists or history teachers or un-corrupt police at leastA C G "Come on Will, you gotta tell me!" I grabbed and shook him by the armA C G The L train was leaning Bedford with 10,000 white twenty-somethings crowed onA C G He opened his mouth to speak but it was lost in the rumbling of the wheelsA C G We were thrown together in a corner and I yelled "Tell me, man, for real!"A C G You're living comfortably, I assume, even if you're not quite a household nameA C G You've reached a pretty high level of success and critical acclaimA C G The L train got to First Avenue and a bunch of people piled outA C G I was staring into his sunglasses and I was really freakin' out, I was likeA C G Steamboat Willie Bonnie Prince of all this shit,A C G You're like the king of a certain genre but even you must want to quitA C G Like if you hear a record by Bob Dylan or Neil Young or whateverA C G You must start thinkin' "Yeah, people like me, but I won't be that good ever"A C G And I'm sure the thing is probably Dylan himself tooA C G Stayed up some nights wishing he was as good as Ginsberg or CamusA C G And he was like "Dude, I'm such a faker, I'm just a clown who entertainsA C G And these fools who pay for my crap, they just have pathetic puny brainsA C G And Camus probably wished he was Milton too or whatever, you know what i'm sayin'?!"A C G So Will, will you be straight with me now that it's just us two on this train? [Verse]A C G 'Cause I was gonna spend some time and money today to remaster some dumb old albumA C G And I saw you here on the L train and I was like "Hey, is that Will Oldham?"A C G He must at least have some perspective cause it's like, living in this townA C G I get so confused and wound up and uptight and I just don't know up from downA C G And then we'd reached the last stop and the subway was desertedA C G There was a long moment of silence and I let go of his shirtA C G I started to think that maybe I'd made some kind of big mistakeA C G I tried to walk out onto the platform but by then it was too lateA C G His sunglasses seemed to grow darker and still he hadn't even spokeA C G He just came right up behind me and put his hands around my throatA C G And threw me down onto the concrete and kicked my face in with his bootA C G And dragged me down onto the train tracks and tied my hands back with his coatA C G And I was slipping out of consciousness as he was slipping down my jeansA C G And he was punching me and humping me and I slipped off into a dreamA C G So it might have just been a delusion but I thought I heard him sayA C G Something like, "Artists are pussies" then he climbed back up and ran away [Verse]A C G So I lay there in the darkness on the train tracks cold and brokenA C G The hours passed and I thought "well, maybe I won't remaster that old album"A C G And then I started thinking maybe it really wasn't even Will OldhamA C G Even though he did hold my arms and fuck me just like Will sings in "A Sucker's Evening"A C G But whether it was him or not I couldn't forget the words he'd spokenA C G "Artists are pussies," like, we're wusses or we end up getting fuckedA C G And other kinds of folks are dicks: tall, smart and strong and born to fuck us upA C G I know it sounds really sexist and stupid, It's a terrible analogy.A C G But at that moment on the train tracks, it made a lot of sense to meA C G Maybe it's just some kind of natural balance, like 2 types of mental genderA C G That's gone on in all societies in one form or another,A C G Like some dicks were born to conquer, I probably would if I could,A C G But if I'm just a pussy, that's okay, 'cause in a few months maybe I'll put out somethingA good
Williamsburg Will Oldham Horror
Jeffrey Lewis
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