Intro: E  E5  A5  E5  A5  E5

Verso:
E                        A
Floating in space at the edge of time
    E                 A
In a universe that we can't define
E                        A
Billions of stars in the endless night
E                     A
Tryin to find purpose for our lives
        E                   A
Yet we still take the time (still take the time)
        E                A  A5
Yes, we always take the time…

Refrão:
          E5   A5   E5   A5
To masturbate… ah-ooh-ohh…
             E5    A5
To milk the snake
                       E5     A5
Girls do the taco handshake
          E5               A5         E5    A5  E5 A5  E5
I'm gonna hold my sausage hostage… tonight.

Verso 2:
        E                            A
Whether you're English, French, Japanese, or German
        E                            A
Whether you're at home or at a movie with Pee Wee Herman
   E                     A
We all take matters into our own hands
         E                     A
With the five finger army we invade our pants
     E                           A
We'd all be doing time (yes we'd all be doing time)
E            A  A5
If it was a crime…

Refrão:
          E5   A5   E5   A5
To masturbate… ah-ooh-ohh
                 E5     A5
To pull the handbrake
               E5     A5
To play vagina DJ
      E5                       A5
She's gonna play cuntry on the clitar… tonight

Ponte 2x: E  A  E  B

Verso:
E5            A5  E5                   B5
 He burps his baby, she's putting on a puppet show
E5                 A5    E5              B5
 Our gentitals are Juliet, our hands are Romeo
E5             A5     E5                B5
 He chokes his chicken, she tickles her cameltoe

E5                A5    E5              B5
 Our genitals are Juliet, our hands are Romeo
    A                       B        E
I'm gonna play ball on team Penis… tonight