My father came here from his home in Ireland
He was quiet but they said that he was wise
He and Mother did their best, gave us a home and all the rest
But to talk to us he never had the time
Sure, he'd say: Pass the butter, or
Come here young man, or
Keep quiet, or
No you can't have a dime
Until the day that I was leavin' when
Dad finally found a reason
For sharing his philosophy of life

He said
A monkey fart should smell like a banana
English farts should smell like cups of tea
The farting of a fairy should be very light and airy
When a father farts I hope you'll think of me
An Irish fart should always lilt with laughter
It should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well
A lion's fart should roar with power
Cuckoos should fart every hour
A nun's fart should have meaning but no smell
A strong man's fart should sound out like a trumpet
A pretty girl's should barely even squeak
But the person you can trust is the one who'd rather bust
Than ever let one rip right on the street

Well, from my old man this really was an earful
I tried to understand just what he meant
His words were primitive but strong so I wouldn't get them wrong
He was saying to be careful as I went
He was saying to be happy as I could be
He was saying watch my step and as I pass
To beware who I look up to, and whatever else I might do
Know that most of what you get from folks is just escaping gas

He said
A monkey fart should smell like a banana
English farts should smell like cups of tea
The farting of a fairy should be very light and airy
When a father farts I hope you'll think of me
An Irish fart should always lilt with laughter
It should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well
A lion's fart should roar with power
Cuckoos should fart every hour
A nun's fart should have meaning but no smell
A strong man's fart should sound out like a trumpet
A pretty girl's should barely even squeak
But the person you can trust is the one who'd rather bust
Than ever let one rip right on the street