I wanna be evil, I wanna spit tacks
I wanna be evil and cheat at jacks
I wanna be wicked, I wanna tell lies
I wanna be mean and throw mud pies

I want to wake up in the morning with that dark brown taste
I want to see some dissipation in my face
I wanna be evil, I wanna be mad
But more than that I wanna be bad

I wanna be evil and trump an ace
Just to see my partner's face
I wanna be nasty, I wanna be cruel
I wanna be daring, I wanna shoot pool

And in the theater I want to change my seat
Just so I can step on everybody's feet

I wanna be evil, I wanna hurt flies
I wanna sing songs like the guy who cries
I wanna be horrid, I wanna drink booze
(I want to be horrid, I want to make news)
And whatever I've got I'm eager to lose

I wanna be evil, little evil me
Just as mean and evil as I can be