A                       E
It was late at night on Christmas eve
A                                E
I was dreaming of the soft white snow
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I was awoken by a noise near the Christmas tree
A           E     D   E   A
What it was I did not know
A                          E
It was Santa Clause he was bringing me some gifts
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Unfortunately I did not know that
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So I quietly snuck up behind him
A              E         D      E    A
And I shot him five times in the back
A           A           A
It went Pow pow pow pow pow
A           A           A
He said "what the fuck ow ow ow"
A            A          A              A
Then I shot him three more times in the head
A            A              D           E
Pieces of his brain flew out and he was dead
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That's when I noticed his blood-soaked beard
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And his red suit filled with bullet holes
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I said "oh my god I killed santa clause
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I'm not going to jail for this asshole"
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So I went to my shed and I got my saw
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And I started to choppipty chop chop
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I started with his arms then his legs then his head
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And then the torso was a really long job
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And the blood went spurt spurt spurt
A                  A         A
It was really hard work work work
A           A                A 
It was hard cutting through his spine
A          A        D       E       
I must have vomited sixteen times
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I burnt all the pieces in my fireplace
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The smell of burning human flesh filled my nose
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Eleven hours later there was nothing left
A           E      D      E       A  
And that's when I heard my telephone
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It was Auntie Jean looking for Uncle Bob
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She said "He left the house dressed as Santa Clause
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But he didn't come home last night
A                  E     D     E     A
Have you seen him god I hope he's alright"